I've been in the closet long enough.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I know plenty of you may be shocked.

Some of you, the ones who know me best and who I'm closest to, won't be quite so shocked.  I'm sure you've suspected it for years.

Regardless, I know all of you will understand that this is important to me, and I promise it won't change who I am, or the relationship we have together.

Edit: My wife insists I tell you to keep reading.



I'm vegetarian.

(What did you THINK I was going to say??)

I'll brace myself for the inevitable deluge of questions, which are almost always the same, so I know all the answers by now.

Yes, yes I understand you've heard of us before.  No, no I don't eat any meat at all.  No, no I don't eat chicken.  No, no I don't eat fish either.  Because fish isn't a vegetable.  You didn't realize that?  Well, there you go, they say you learn something new every day; I'm glad to help out with that.

The next question is generally a slightly more coherent one, probably because it only has one word, and it generally consists of "Why??!?!?!"

If I've really shocked the person, there may even be a few more ?!???!?? on the end.

Besides the obvious health and environmental advantages to being vegetarian, there are a few other reasons that you may not have thought of.

• "There's nothing on the menu that's vegetarian," is an excellent excuse for skipping dinner at a fancy restaurant.
  
• You don't feel guilty after coming home from the Animal Voices Film Festival.  That was a damn disturbing film festival.  I not only have not set foot in a fast-food restaurant since, I've walked well out of my way to avoid them.
  
• If you undercook your dinner by mistake, it doesn't kill you.  I always consider "not dying" as a relatively positive aspect of anything.

A common follow up question is generally something asking if there are any issues associated with vegetarianism.

People tend to get suspicious of vegetables.

I can understand that.  So was I, at first.

Like many stories about how people began vegetarianism, mine starts out "A member of my family came home and began excitedly telling me how she was going to become healthier by not eating anything I liked."  I was sixteen.  This member of the family was my mother.  My father's very wise response was "Yes, dear," and shortly thereafter, I was the only carnivore in the house.

(At this point, writing that out sounds so incredibly terrible, like I'm talking about having kicked a hardcore drug addiction or something.)

I began to notice some changes happening in our household.

For instance, one night I came downstairs for a snack before bed, and discovered my mother up cleaning the kitchen.  At 10:30 at night.

Before you ask, no, the kitchen wasn't messy from all the vegetarian cooking.  She'd simply finished the entire house, decided she wasn't tired, and started back at the beginning.

A few days later, someone came by to pick up the golf cart my dad sold him.  My dad hadn't given up golf, he'd just discovered that he was now able to carry his bag.

Do you think that convinced me to become vegetarian?  Be realistic.  What sixteen-year-old wants to follow an example set by his parents?

MUCH later, a family that was also vegetarian, and friends of ours, came to stay with us for a few days.  I didn't have anything against vegetarian food, and I figured frying up my usual sausages in front of them might be impolite.  So I figured it wouldn't hurt to eat "their food" while they were there.

I have been vegetarian ever since those three days.

I still had an issue though.  I did NOT want to admit after all this time that my parents were right.

I loudly announced that I was going to have pepperoni, bacon, and ham pizza for dinner, and I'd take it up to my room, because I knew nobody else would want some.

I was hiding some broccoli behind my back.

A few hours later, my second cousin's best friend's hairdresser's nephew's dog walker's mother came up to me and said, "I hear you've become vegetarian!  Congratulations!"

That was impressive, even for my mom.  It's a good thing I never decided to try smoking.